Category: Coochie - Luxury on the Cheap
Luxury on the Cheap
 
Ladies, can we get real here just for a hot minute?

Maybe yo mama never talked to you about these things....but hey!  Even though I'm Nacho Mama, I'm still somebody's mama, and that totally makes it ok. 

Any time we watch tv or read magazines, we're ambushed by ads for a zillion products telling us we stink.  Our pits stink, our breath stinks, our coochie stinks, and the only way we can possibly be ok and worthy of love is to buy products x, y, and z. 

What a load of crap.

Listen, unless you have some weird disease, all you need to smell fine is just basic good hygeine
.  I know, right -- it's such a revolutionary thought it sounds crazy.  But it's true!  You ever hear of pheromones?  Men are hard-wired to be attracted to your unique personal scent, via phermones.  It's related to genetics and helps ensure a good match for healthy offspring.  When we say we have "chemistry" with someone - we actually do.  It's better living through Mother Nature's chemistry!  Why cover it up with hexane and alcohol and chemical fixers and artificial scents?

That being said, there are times when we just want to smell... better.  Sometimes, you need a little something extra.  Sometimes, we really are stank.

In "Seriously, What Stinks? Part 1" you learned how to create your own deodorant - which is thrifty, nifty, healthy and green -- but now Nacho Mama is going to take it even further and teach you how to create even more of your own personal care products.  You can make your own upscale, totally green mouthwash, scented moisturizer, and coochie spray - and it's all natural, luxurious, and on the cheap.

Yes, I said coochie spray!

So!  Let's get started with Nacho Mama's Eff You Listerine Mouthwash!

You'll need:
1 cup of water 
1 teaspoon of baking soda
4 drops of peppermint or spearmint or cinnamon oil (found in the spice section)
4 drops of tea tree oil (found in the health food store and dead useful)

Mix and shake up in the empty, rinsed-out commerical mouthwash bottle.  Shazam! Now you have a totally effective mouthwash, free of artificial preservatives, colors, and flavors - and for pennies. 

Some variations I like - adding a teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide per cup of water for extra whitening power.  Or, just dissolving a teaspoon or two of salt in a cup of water.  Suck on that, Proctor and Gamble.
*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

World's Best Moistuizer EVAH

You will need:  coconut oil
your favorite essential oil

Melt the coconut oil over low heat.  Mix in essential oil.  Or don't.

Didn't I tell you Nacho Mama doesn't have time to measure every damn thing?  That's right.  Martha Stewart don't live here!

Coconut oil may be the best moisturizer in the history.  Why?  Because it's made by Mother Nature, and she totally trumps everyone. This is the only moisturizer I've EVER used that didn't cause me to break out, and honey, I've tried it all.  Get the cold-pressed coconut oil  - it has the most good stuff in it.  You can use it plain, as I do, for your face, hands, lips, feet, and all over - and enjoy the very mild coconut scent.  This is as individual as you are, and there is no way to mess this up!  Add essential oil until you think it's strong enough.  If it gets too strong, add more coconut oil to dilute it.  If you want to make perfume, add more good smelly oil.  There, now it's multi-functional.  Booyah!
*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

Something that always cracks me up are those ridiculous ads with a mom and daughter walking in a garden, and daughter asking mom if she ever feels... you know... not springtime fresh?  Then mom goes on to school the daughter about the douchebaggery of the moment.

Douches, "feminine deodorant spray," scented panty liners -- it's all crap.  That stuff can actually HARM the coochie by upsetting the correct pH balance with harsh chemicals and alcohol.  As long as you're healthy, and use common sense hygeine, you're good to go.  Your Lotus Flower is a self-cleansing, self-maintaining organ.  Used too often, those products cause extreme drying... which leads to cracking... which creates the perfect storm for infection to set in.  You don't need any of it!

That being said, even the healthiest of us have those times when due to health, pregnancy, or circumstances, we are, in fact, not feeling springtime fresh.  Not to worry, though.  Nacho Mama's got you.

Nacho Mama's Kick Ass Coochie Spray

You will need:  2 cups water
 1/4 cup distilled while vinegar
and a squirt bottle.

Mix and shake it up.  Take it with you in the shower and spray liberally.  You should notice a difference right away.

This might sound weird, but I give you my word - this will not leave you smelling like salad dressing, no matter how often you do this.  It will actually help balance your pH level, discourage the nasty bacteria, and create a happy home for the good bacteria.  GUARANTEED, bitches.   FDS and Summer's Eve and all the rest - you are EVICTED.  Begone!

You know what really stinks?  All those ads that try to manipulate you with fear and sell you toxic products that create problem worse than the one you're trying to fix.  That reeks to high heaven.  What I've found in the greening of my home is that there is very little I can't make with a few basic, inexpensive, muti-purpose products.  Not only that, I generally find the homemade versions work better, too.

A little vinegar and baking soda, coconut oil and lemons will cure many a sin.... and for not a lotta dough.   Keep checking back regularly for more tips and tricks to live luxuriously - for less!

Love you for free, bitches!

Nacho Mama